These Are The Voyages of The Starship Erev Rav...

Coming to terms with the dreaded 'zionists'.

Ever notice how people in official circles — government, academia and the media — regularly refer to something they call the ‘ZIONIST ENTERPRISE’?

So, too, in Judea and Samaria, where leaders often talk of something they term the ‘SETTLEMENT ENTERPRISE’.

Can anyone tell me what this claptrap is all about?

What are we, a bunch of interstellar Klingon chasers?

You'll note, friends, that this language is most often invoked with reference to harming the ‘zionist enterprise’ or harming the ‘settlement enterprise’, as if that were something one ought never do.

“You won't join the army, you filthy chareidi scum?! YOU’RE HARMING THE ZIONIST ENTERPRISE!”

“Not building your goat-shed according to the official moatza plan, you dirty Hilltop loafer?! YOU’RE HARMING THE SETTLEMENT ENTERPRISE!”

Yes, the ‘ENTERPRISES’ appear to be cocked and aimed most frequently at the notorious, draft-dodging Peleg Yerushalmi, and their rural, mischief-making counterparts, the Hilltop Youth of Yehuda and Shomron — the two groups that genuinely represent the greatest threat to the established order of the State of Israel.

And that leads us to some very important conclusions.

But before we get there, let’s first examine what, exactly, these delicate creatures are that require protection from all harm — these snowflake ‘ENTERPRISES’ that we're forbidden to challenge or deride, or even outright ignore as we go about the business of building our Jewish lives here in Eretz Yisrael.

Why the necessity to comport ourselves to their dictates?

Who or what are they, anyway…?

The brutal truth is — they're nothing.

Call them a chimera, a specter, a façade, a doppelganger — choose the foreign synonym of your fancy! — but know that you're dealing here with little more than white noise and blur, a phantasm, a Kolchak apparition.

The ‘zionist enterprise’ does not exist.

Nor does the ‘settlement enterprise’.

Yes, there are Jews living in Eretz Yisrael — that’s undeniable. But we’re not here as part of anyone’s ‘enterprise’ — that’s also a certainty.

Nor do we require so-called leaders who’ll steer us through some make-believe, flag-waving star cluster, boldly going where no goy has gone before, G-d forbid!

We’re doing just fine.

So, whence all this enterprise nonsense?

The best we can do is offer a mashal.

And it looks like this —

Until the late 19th century, Jews were moving to Eretz Yisrael at the behest of the BeSH”T or the Vilna Gaon or whomever. They were doing it as part of a positive halachic imperative, the mitzva of yishuv ha’aretz.

Because Jews live by halacha, not ideology.

No movement or “-ism” of any stripe dedicated to the settling of Eretz Yisrael could ever preclude, add or subtract from our understanding of the commandment to settle the land.

It would be entirely superfluous.

Because the commandment stands eternally, for all Jews at all times and does not need a global movement with an illustrious, august council (WJC) to guide it, or any local enterprise, with its Klingon apparatchiks to administer it.

It would be the equivalent of founding a movement called ‘lulavism’, giving it a flag and tony office space in central Jerusalem, hiring a cadre of overpaid bureaucrats to develop and administer guidelines, procedures, fees and bylaws for the proper acquisition, use and disposal of lulavim, and… well, you get the picture. The absurdity of the thing is mind-boggling.

So too with zionism.

The only thing zionism adds to the halachic directive to settle the land is — confusion!

A proper understanding of the halachic details of yishuv ha’aretz and a qualified Rabbinical authority to guide you through its finer details is all that's required.

Drop the silly nomenclature (this or that zionism) and all the divisive outcomes it produces and just stick to the recognized codes of Jewish law.

Or consign yourself to a life of overwhelming bilbul.

HIJACKERS With Jewish Surnames

Now, back to our story…

Long after those first Jews began returning to the land in large numbers, joyfully fulfilling the mitzva of yishuv ha’aretz, a Jewish heretic named Herzl founded the zionist movement.

And because real Jews are less interested in exerting control over others (they’re too busy doing their avoda), it wasn’t so difficult for the Erev Rav Klingons to grab the reins, start dictating terms and begin enriching themselves at the expense of the authentic, simple Jews who were just going about their (very Jewish) business.

And so it continues today.

There's now an entire army of Erev Rav Klingon bureaucrats who run the country, whose livelihoods and status have morphed into something that’s called the ‘zionist enterprise’.

In other words, the apparatchiks who serve the Erev Rav leadership in Jerusalem, who administer the countless, superfluous laws, taxes, regulations, forms, fines, fees and ordinances that bind and diminish us — they are the zionist enterprise.

They're there to keep all us dirty, little lumpenjuden in our place by limiting our liberty, autonomy and freedom in every way possible, so that none of us ever decides to get too uppity, raise his head and potentially upend the system.

Because once that happens — she yihiyeh b’karov! — the entire zionist enterprise goes spiraling bye-bye into oblivion.

The settlement enterprise, by the way, is also staffed by Klingons (who don knitted skullcaps and headscarves), but their useless, cushy jobs are headquartered in Barkan, Sha’ar Binyamin, Alon Shvut, Meitarim, etc.

Do anything that might sully the good name of the bloodsuckers in these locales, and you're harming their glorious ‘settlement enterprise’.

AND YOU CAN’T DO THAT…

Because those who currently staff the settlement enterprise at its highest levels seek one day to join the zionist enterprise. And those currently at the head of the zionist enterprise want nothing more than a seat at the table of the New World Order in Switzerland, or wherever one goes these days to sacrifice children after satanically defiling them.

You don’t need them, friends!

No Jew needs them.

G-d willing, we’ll send them all back to an extra-terrestrial Yachupitzville — and fast!

And we’ll all be better off for it.

How Did We Get Here?

In the meantime, don't let them confuse you.

To repeat: anyone who appends the term ‘zionist’ to his identity is just befuddled and unclear that there’s already halacha on the matter of living in Eretz Yisrael. Secular ‘zionist’ Jews might be forgiven for their confusion because they have no G-d and therefore no halacha.

Nebuch.

But so-called ‘religious zionist’ Jews have no such excuse. They are literally screaming out their discombobulation with every fiber of their being.

Why?

Because they know the halacha. And they also know it’s sufficient.

The confusion arises when they try to figure out their relationship with the State of Israel, or more precisely, in determining what authority the state and its laws should have on their lives.

Or, to pin the tail directly on the donkey, religious zionists are completely perplexed by what to do when the state and well-established halacha come into conflict.

The dance that ensues is a lark.

Humor at its best, if you go for that sort of thing.

It ranges from laughable, jitterbug reinterpretations to outright waltzing hypocrisy, but always centers around a single, spineless sentiment: “…but what will the zionists say?”

Go figure.

Religious zionists crave acceptance (from everyone except chareidim, of course, with whom they have an inferiority complex).

And that's their weakness.

It's a psychological shortcoming, if you'll permit me to go there.

Maybe inadequacy.

Maybe a longing to be loved.

Who knows…

But watching them pander and degrade themselves at the feet of people who either despise or outright dismiss them is either gloriously funny to watch or stomach churning, depending upon the seat you purchased.

In the end, they'll either come round — these religious zionists — and reject the entire zionist shtuyus altogether to become authentic Jews.

Or, they'll latch their wagon inflexibly to the jalopy of state, and in so doing, become authentic Jewry’s greatest kapo nightmare, G-d forbid.

May G-d help them, and us, steer clear of all Erev Rav zionist drek — those who represent the greatest obstacle to our geula shleima.

May it come speedily and b’rachamim.

Dean Maughvet